Missing Out

I'm getting a job. I will be working soon. I am going to be away from home. I will be working 8 hours a day and I will be away from my son for 9... probably 10. I'm trying to let it all sink in but I can't. As silly as it sounds I feel like my life is being ripped from underneath my feet and I have to learn to walk again.

I knew the day would come but I didn't know it would come so fast. I had hoped to stay at home with my boo until he went into first grade. Unfortunately life has other plans. On one end if I work we will continue to live the way we have been for the past few years and on the other well... we'll be roof less. As in homeless.

I'm trying to look at this as a new adventure. I'll be out having conversations with adults yay! I will be making my own money again yay!! I am gaining awesome experience yay!

And yet all I want is to talk about Yo Gabba Gabba. All I want to see is drawings of skateboards and skies. I want to sing from the bottom of my heart and dance with my baby all day. I'm scared that I will miss out. I'm scared I will wake up one day and Rodito will be 18 going off to college. I fear having time go faster than it already is. I fear resentment. I have not spent more than a few hours away from my boo since he was born and suddenly I will only be seeing him 3 hours a day. I'm terrified. 

I know it has to be done. I know he will thank me eventually and he'll understand eventually that everything I do is for him. I'm just scared temporarily he'll only be able to see me dropping him off and not coming back until night time for him. And what can I do? Life is so unexpected and I didn't expect to feel so vulnerable and afraid the way I do now. I just hope he knows just how much I love him. I hope he realizes that I am doing everything I can to give him a good life.

These Are the Moments

It's 1:08 a.m. and Rodito just went back to sleep. A few minutes ago he ran in to my bedroom screaming "receipt, receipt!"  I, half asleep at the time, woke up thinking he was saying "pee pee, pee pee!"  I follow him clumsily through the house, my eyes half open.  He takes me to his bedroom and points underneath his mattress.

"RECEIPT! RECEIPT!" He screams in frustration. (He has an obesession with store receipts, if you haven't guessed by now.)  I question him and lift up his matress. "There's no receipt here baby."  "Receipt," he slowly responds. He climbs into bed and I ask for a kiss, "No." says automatically but lifts his face up to mine anyway. I kiss him and as soon as his head touches his Brobee pillow his eyes close heavily and he enters his dreamland of receipts, cars, Yo Gabba Gabba, and numbers.

These are the silly moments I want to remember. Having his nightmares consist of lost receipts. He's only little for such a short amount of time and the look on his little face silently sleeping soundly after being so scared just a few seconds ago is something I don't ever want to forget.

6 months

My baby boo will be three years old in 6 months! I cannot grasp just how fast time goes by. Already planning for his summer birthday!

Today was his 2 and 1/2 check up.  He's in the 95th% in height and 15% in weight. So perfect! After his appointment with his pediatrician we had to get his blood work done to check his anemia. I walked into the lab fearful and worried because last time he had been a disaster. To my huuuuuuge surprise he sat down and held out his little arm for the nurse; all while watching the process. No tears. No screams. No kicks or bites. He made me proud. Nurses were so pleased and he was happy with his post-lab work lollipop. Should get the results back by next week. His doctor decided to keep him on the iron supplement for another six months regardless of the test outcome. It's a relief and I hope this time next year we won't have any of this to deal with.

Behavior wise... well it looks like the terrible twos will be dragging into the threes. Tantrums are still a daily problem. Working on finding a very easy to follow daily schedule to try and avoid these outbursts. Times outs are getting a little bit easier...at least easier than last week!! *fingers crossed* He's now expressing himself a lot better and he's able to tell me what he wants with words now!! It's a little difficult to understand at times but he's definitely making progress and for that I am very glad.

I had hoped to put him into a school-like program but it's not going to be possible. A little disappointed but I've decided to take advantage of this time to teach him myself. I'm thinking a bi-lingual day full of activities and crafts. We'll see how it turns out! ;-)