I knew the day would come but I didn't know it would come so fast. I had hoped to stay at home with my boo until he went into first grade. Unfortunately life has other plans. On one end if I work we will continue to live the way we have been for the past few years and on the other well... we'll be roof less. As in homeless.
I'm trying to look at this as a new adventure. I'll be out having conversations with adults yay! I will be making my own money again yay!! I am gaining awesome experience yay!
And yet all I want is to talk about Yo Gabba Gabba. All I want to see is drawings of skateboards and skies. I want to sing from the bottom of my heart and dance with my baby all day. I'm scared that I will miss out. I'm scared I will wake up one day and Rodito will be 18 going off to college. I fear having time go faster than it already is. I fear resentment. I have not spent more than a few hours away from my boo since he was born and suddenly I will only be seeing him 3 hours a day. I'm terrified.
I know it has to be done. I know he will thank me eventually and he'll understand eventually that everything I do is for him. I'm just scared temporarily he'll only be able to see me dropping him off and not coming back until night time for him. And what can I do? Life is so unexpected and I didn't expect to feel so vulnerable and afraid the way I do now. I just hope he knows just how much I love him. I hope he realizes that I am doing everything I can to give him a good life.
